


Relaxation

by TToiseTia45



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TToiseTia45/pseuds/TToiseTia45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fury is furious (as his name wold suggest) and orders the avengers to do something that each of the team finds relaxing. Mayhem ensues, along with a bit of romance, and Coulson is there to try and keep a sort of leash on the whole thing. yes, he is alive because really, could someone as sexy as that actually die? I don't think so! Some slash, Tony/Steve and some Clint/Everyone (Because yes! ;) ) and Clint/Natasha!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Massage

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Hey everyone! So this is my first fanfic posted here so please be nice! There are going to be seven chapters (At the moment at least) and I am trying to write one everyday, so I should finish just before I have to go back to school! I haven't done this in a while so I may be rusty but please bear with me because I can assure you it will get better as you we go along! 
> 
> Summary: Fury is furious (as his name wold suggest) and orders the avengers to do something that each of the team finds relaxing. Mayhem ensues, along with a bit of romance, and Coulson is there to try and keep a sort of leash on the whole thing. yes, he is alive because really, could someone as sexy as that actually die? I don't think so! Some slash, Tony/Steve and some Clint/Everyone ( ;)Because yes!) and Clint/Natasha!
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way own any of the Avengers, anything to do with Marvel comic rights etc etc. I think you all know the drill by now! I do own the plot line and the writing so please ask for my express permission before recreating any of my work.
> 
> If you don't like it, don't read it, there is no need to me mean!
> 
> Thanks for reading (if you did), I know it was a long one but should be shorter next time!  
> Eva  
> xxx

Bruce sighed against the thumping on his back and closed his eyes once more. This was his time. This was when he could clear his mind and just relax… The sweet aroma of lavender that always filled the room was like a switch in his brain. As soon as he entered the room and took a deep breath he knew that everything was all right, or at least for the moment it was.

“For God’s sake! I do not see the point of this in the slightest! Why would anyone pay money to have elephants stampede over their back? Or any other part of the body for that matter! I just don’t get it! In fact! I would go as far as to say that I don’t understand any part of this exercise in the first place!”

“Tash… C’mon, the Director said that we had to do things to relax. Right now, it is Bruce’s turn to pick so you need to grin and bear it. Just lie back and think of England!”

Muffled laughter filled the room and he sighed once more. Although this time it was in annoyance rather than satisfaction. 

“Why on earth would I do that Clint? I am not some virgin debutante! And besides, every mission we have ever had in England has ended horribly wrong and caused almost all members of the teams to doubt their sexuality.”

“I suppose John Barrowman does have that affect.”

The room was silent for a few minutes after the giggles quietened down and the massage resumed. This was his escape, the way that he would always reconcile with his thoughts and feelings after letting the big guy have a go. Bruce had to admit, he was sceptical when Fury first suggested the idea… but now he relies on it completely. A massage is how he recharges and there are experts on board that can cater to all his needs. He rests his head on his hands and allows his mind to drift.

“You do realise that we are all naked right now…”

“Tony!”

The yells broke out all around the room and Bruce sat up. He could see Tony grinning at everyone from his bed in the far corner of the room and he had to work hard to not let out a growl. 

“For once, Stark. Couldn’t you just shut up and let the rest of us relax?”

“Like you can talk. You and Clint had that very insightful conversation earlier about a man in a sparkly suit who sleeps with anything that has a pulse. I don’t see how that is connected in any way to the relaxing properties of a massage!”

“Well done Steve, you just successfully confirmed that you are indeed Tony’s little… friend…”

“Just back off him bird man!”

Oh God! This was steadily turning into a Tony Vs Natasha war with Steve denying any sort of sexual relationship with the former and Clint just embarrassing them all with his outstanding knowledge of sexual innuendoes. Bruce locked eyes with Coulson across the room and rolled his eyes. Coulson nodded and then they both looked to Thor disbelievingly. He was somehow managing to stay asleep despite the racket. They had all filled his nostrils with glue earlier on this morning in an effort to stop his snoring. It appeared to have worked but now there was a mosquito like drone in the background which was making everyone on-board the helicarrier cranky.  
Bruce sighed again. The racket was getting steadily louder and it was getting harder for him to bury the ‘other guy’ down deep in his consciousness.

“Oh yeah? Black Widow? You think you could handle this? This sexy little thing right here?”

Tony had stood up and was gesturing to himself in a, what Bruce supposed he thought was a very erotic way, but in reality was just scary and a complete turn off.

“Right! That is it! All of you just shut up! I don’t care how much you dislike the scent of lavender, or Clint’s John Barrowman tales, or even hot women stroking your backs. I have had enough of your incessant babbling and constant arguing. We all know what happened last week and the director has given us this task, in mission status! That means we have to do this as f it were a mission! Today was Bruce’s turn to show us all what he does when he relaxes. Next week it will be Thor’s. End of discussion.”

Ah… Good old Coulson. Always knowing exactly what to say in order to shut everyone up.

“Well it wasn’t really a discussion, was it…”

“Just shut up Tony.”

Bruce tried to sink under once more but it just wasn’t working. “Fantastic! Thanks guys! I’ll try not to eat you next time we have an unplanned incursion but it is not as if anyone would blame me!”

With that, Bruce stormed out of the room and back to his quarters. 

“Well, that was dramatic. If Thor is going next, when is my turn?”

“Oh just shut up Tony.”

There was a moment of silence before Tony started giggling manically.

“No. In fact, I am just going to leave before I can be dragged into doing something stupid, like wearing a pink tutu.”

“But you looked so good in it!”

Coulson gave Clint a withering look as he stalked out of the room. 

“So… what’s the plan?”

Five hours later…

“Just wait till I find you! You worthless man of iron! You pig-nosed son of a whore! You cowardly excuse for a warrior! You will pay for your most grievous sins!”

Thor had just woken up, handcuffed to the bed, covered in sparkles and pink feathers that seemed to be resistant to lightening and extremely naked.

“Damn you!”


	2. Dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay everyone! Second chapter up! Yay! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way own any of the Avengers, anything to do with Marvel comic rights etc etc. I think you all know the drill by now! I do own the plot line and the writing so please ask for my express permission before recreating any of my work.

“So why exactly are we at Madame Barbara Ballerina’s Dance Studio?”

“Yeah, I would kind of like an answer to that question as well…”

The Avengers were standing in a disgruntled group, all looking rather confused.  
Thor stood there and smirked. “Patience Midgardians, this will be fun! Trust me!” With that he swept into the dance studio, his scarlet cloak flaring out behind him.

“Seriously? We are supposed to trust someone who travels using something he calls, ‘the rainbow bridge’?”

Coulson just sighed and shook his head. “Let’s go…”

 

“Right class. Today we shall begin with a quick warm up! So, everyone grab a partner and then join the circle in the middle.”

A woman that looked to be in her mid to late forties stood in front of the class. She had dark brown hair with grey roots that suggested she dyed it regularly. She was wearing a sickly pink cardigan and a long brown skirt. Her clothes were completely uncoordinated and she had a pair of tortoiseshell glasses hanging around her neck on a chain.  
The Avengers looked awkwardly around at each other.

“I bagsy hulk!”

“You can’t bagsy me Tony!”

“Who else will you go with?”

“Fine!”

Bruce rubbed his eyes in frustration. This was his massage time! Not his, ‘deal with Tony’s childish games’ time.  
Clint and Natasha looked at each other and silently agreed that with each other as partners, they could guarantee the least risk of blackmail.

“Come on Son of Coul! You and me shall go together. Don’t worry, I’ll help you keep up!”

“Then who am I supposed to go with?”

They both turned to look at Steve and shrugged.

“Don’t worry honey! You can go with me!”

The teacher had joined their threesome and reached out for Steve. He looked to the other men imploringly but they just shrugged once more and continued to the circle.

‘Okay class!” The teacher clapped her hands as she made her way to the middle of the circle. “My name is Barbara, as I am sure most of you know, and today I am going to be teaching you to dance. Our warm up today will be a selection of trust exercises and then we shall begin. The type of dancing we will me doing is ballroom. We are going to be focussing on a wedding dance.”

The avengers all looked at each other with matching expressions of horror, all except for Thor. “Isn’t this great!?”  
Coulson sighed again.

“Did you just say wedding dance?”

The teacher turned to look at Tony who had his arm in the air, imitating a small child.

“Yes I did. Now I know some of you are in same sex partnerships, which is absolutely fine here! We most certainly don’t judge! And before you say anything about two men not being able to dance. Just was Captain Jack and Ianto, Janto if you please, dance together in episode nine, series two of Torchwood. That was just magical… Now… Let’s dance!”

Everyone stood up and started copying her movements. She nodded to the lady by the piano and music started playing. 

“Come on handsome, let us show the rest of the class how we do things round here! And back to the left, one-two-three, that’s right, hop and spin out, and back in again. Fantastic! Everyone up and copy us. Let’s see how you do on improv and then I can show you the moves.”

The teacher had manhandled Steve into dancing with her, which was causing the rest of the team to be immobile with hysteria. 

“Up everyone!”

They slowly got to their feet and started attempting to copy the rest of the class. It was a futile effort.

“Right everyone. Let’s take a break. Margaret, you can stop playing and get yourself a cup of tea…”

Barbara smiled slightly and waved at Steve as she retreated to a chair in the corner of the room. Margaret, the piano player, brought her over a steaming mug and also sat down. They chatted quietly while the rest of the class rested.  
Steve looked across at them and then darted to the rest of the team.

“You have to help me! She is going to rape me!”

The team looked him in stunned silence for a minute before bursting out with laughter.

“I am being serious! We have to get out of here!”

“Silence Captain. This is my chance for relaxation. I sat through Bruce’s and now you shall all have to sit through mine!”

“You slept through the entire massage!”

“And I paid the price with my lustrous hair. Don’t think it was all fun and games mortal.”

Coulson put his hand on his head in his hands.

“Can’t we just get through one of these things without something going wrong?”

“Cheer up Boss, this is only the second.”

“Shut up Barton.”

The avengers were silent for a moment. Tony suddenly smiled.

“No! Whatever you are thinking Stark. NO!”

Tony just smirked some more. “Alright guys, here’s the plan.”

They all leaned close together, huddling like penguins do in order to keep warm. Tony spoke in hushed whispers, conferring with the others over certain parts and hashing out the details. Slowly Clint started to smile too, along with Natasha and Steve wore a permanent look of relief.

“Operation Sexy Steve is go!”

“Can we not just change the name?”

“No!”

In the corner of the room, Barbara stood up and clapped her hands. “Okay everyone! Please get into too lines. The men on one side and women opposite. Got it?”

There were mumbled yeses from all around the room and everyone assembled in the two lines. Tony smirked across at Bruce and winked. 

“Actually Barbara, I was thinking we could do something else.”

Everyone in the class turned to look at Tony.

“And what exactly would that be?”

“Hoedown throw down.”

Barbara blinked. “Excuse me?” 

“Hoedown throw down. I suggest we dance that!”

“And why would we?”

“Because Steve will strip if you manage to do it first time, no mistakes.”

There was a pause (though not impregnated it was very long) and then Barbara nodded.  
Tony smirked and fiddled with his phone. Suddenly, the opening strains of Hannah Montana’s song came blaring out of a decrepit and rusty PA system. 

‘Boom clap boom de clap de clap, boom boom clap boom de clap de clap”

Barbara took a deep breath and then started dancing. They all looked in amazement as she hit every move. Well… Tony smirked knowingly. The song came to an end and Steve just looked panicked. Suddenly he ran out of the room, crashing through the doors and out onto the street. The rest of the team tore after him, Tony stopping to give the instructor a roll of notes. 

“Sorry about him, he’s got some issues with nudity…”

Barbara nodded sympathetically, “It’s okay, I understand.”

Tony then turned and sprinted out of the class.

Two hours later…

‘I can’t believe you would do that! You knew that she would know all the dance moves. What even was that song?”

Steve was pacing around the Avenger’s sitting room. 

“That’s Clint’s song. He knows all the words and the dance moves. It’s by Hannah Montana.”

“Why the hell is it my song? And I don’t know all the moves! Tasha! I asked you to delete the video!”

“There’s a video? And of course it is your song Barton! ‘Put your hawk in the sky’?”

Clint moved to a corner and sulked. Coulson thought this would be a good opportunity to bring the subject of next week.

“Don’t worry cap. Next week you will choose what we do. Just please, don’t let it involve anything radioactive!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for reading! Please comment or kudos! Thank You!


	3. Baking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey guys! So this is chapter three! Exciting!!!! Three things that are kinda important:  
> 1\. In this chapter Tony and Steve have a 'moment' so if you don't like it, don't read it!  
> 2\. I have kept forgetting to mention it, but in every chapter there is some sort of reference to Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Janto or just Torchwood in general... So if you want to try and find them, go ahead... To be honest, they aren't that subtle...  
> 3\. This is probably the most important note, my writing is going slightly slowly, I have got up to chapter 5 completed, so I just need to do chapters 6 and 7, and they are both half done anyway... I was going to try and get them done today but one of my tortoises has just died... His name was Boysie and he was really old (over a hundred old), and we knew he was sick but... It is still really upsetting so I hope you guys can understand why I don't think I will be able to write for a few days... I will try to get everything up and finished at least before next weekend but I can't promise anything. Thank You.
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way own any of the Avengers, anything to do with Marvel comic rights etc etc. I think you all know the drill by now! I do own the plot line and the writing so please ask for my express permission before recreating any of my work.

“Baking? You actually trust Tony with an oven?”

Steve blushed slightly. “Yes I do! And baking is a fantastic way to relax! You even get food afterwards, so it is good in more than just one way.”

Clint smirked. “Hey guys, we all knew that Steve was a boy-scout, now we know that he was a girl-scout too!”

No one laughed. The avengers were sitting around the counter in Pepper’s kitchen in the Stark Tower. She had a separate one to Tony because she knew that he would just destroy it. In fact, she had only said that Steve could use her kitchen, with its superior equipment, if she was able to supervise.

“Clint, stop being mean. Now everyone, we are making cupcakes. The cupcake part will be done mostly by Steve and I, then you all can decorate.”

“But Pepper!’

Pepper turned and glared at Tony. “Just up.”

“Whipped!”

“You too Clint.”

The mixing process went reasonably smoothly, with only one extra ingredient added. 

“I thought they needed more salt!”

“Why the hell would they need salt? Cupcakes are sweet deserts! Not some sort of savoury scone to eat with soup!”

“Calm down Steve, we can just give them to Agent Hill.”

Coulson sighed. He thought it might be third time lucky, but evidently not. It appeared they were not capable of even getting through a simple baking session. He shook his head slowly and sighed once more.

“Okay, we will give them to Agent Hill but if anyone does anything like that again, they will be forced to eat one of these cupcakes, which will be decorated by the rest of the group, as to make it even more disgusting. Everyone understood?”

The team nodded and then turned to Pepper who was ladling the mixture into cupcake cases. The cases were light blue with zoo animals on them. Thor had picked them out after a long and heated discussion with Natasha over whether to include cases with dinosaurs on them. Tony quickly butted in and pointed out that Steve might be offended by the dinosaur cases. This was said when Steve was in the room, which caused him to join in the discussion, Pepper and Coulson quickly interceded, ensuring that no fight started. Though, this unfortunately left Clint free to put salt into the cupcakes. Bruce wanted no part of any of it. Anyway, all of this lead to the animal cases being chosen over the dinosaur ones.   
The oven door clanged shut.

“Well then, they will be done in about twenty minutes, and then we will have to wait about another twenty minutes before we can ice then. In the meantime you guys can start making up the icing and planning how you are going to decorate them all!”

“Thanks Pepper.” Coulson smiled at her before turning his gaze on the team and scowling. “Let’s try and make this as painless as possible. Steve, you seem to be the expert, how about you make the icing, something simple please and then the rest of you can decide how to decorate them.”

“We aren’t children Coulson. We don’t need you to tell us what to do.”

“Shut up Clint.”

The oven door clanged shut once more and everyone turned to see Tony in front, his hands behind his back and an innocent smile on his face.

“What are you up to Stark?”

“Nothing! I swear! I was just looking to see how they were doing! God! You people are all so suspicious!”

Coulson rolled his eyes. “I seriously don’t get paid enough…”

Fifteen minutes later…

“OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? TOOONNNNNYYYYY!!!!!”

All the avengers stood up and ran to the kitchen at Pepper’s horrified screech. That is, except for Tony, who stood in the games room with a self-satisfied smirk on his face for about thirty seconds before following the others out.   
They were standing in the kitchen looking down at the tray of cupcakes, different degrees of disbelief on all of their faces.

“Oh my god! You have created robot cupcakes… Okay… Um… Give me a minute.”

Coulson couldn’t believe his eyes. Sitting in front of him were twenty-four mini robots. They had bodies made out of the cake mixture, but they had head of steel and arms and legs. They all stood in a uniform position, all lined up. If the situation had been any different, the cupcake-robots may have been considered ‘cute’, especially with the zoo animal cases, which inevitably now looked like dresses. Not that Coulson, first name Agent, thought anything was cute… but still…   
Natasha thought the cupcakes were interesting, but not really worth her time. It wasn’t as if they would be able to attack people.   
Bruce was busy ruminating over how Tony had managed to create a robot that must have built itself in some way.   
Thor was in awe over what the robot-cupcakes actually were (they don’t have robots in Asgard.).   
Clint was trying to work out how he could use the cupcake-robots to spy on his enemies and if he would be able to train them how to attack people.   
Pepper was curious as to how Tony managed to implant the robots in every single cupcake, seeing as he only had a limited amount of time at the oven before he was realised. She was also angry with herself that she had not predicted something like that happening. But she wasn’t as angry as Steve was…  
Steve was absolutely livid. “You know what Tony? THAT IS IT! I have had enough of your stupid pranks, which just seem to get us into trouble! I understand that maybe you don’t like massages, or dancing, but WHO THE HELL DOESN’T LIKE CUPCAKES? At least in my time it was a common quality. Not only are they fun to decorate but you CAN EAT THEM AFTERWARDS! But NO! Instead you decide to make stupid robots, which admittedly, are cute and probably quite cuddly, but you can’t eat them. You can’t decorate them and I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE! How about you come find me to apologise once you have grown up.”

Everyone in the room was silent, all looking at the tall man in front of them who was breathing heavily after his outburst. Tony had his mouth open wide in shock, Steve had never shouted at him like that! Steve turned to walk away and that was when Tony found his voice.

“You are going to walk away? I have something to tell you as well, capsicle… How dare you shout at me when you are no better? I may not be a great person, but at least I don’t pretend to be something I am not! Unlike you! You pretend to be the all-round good guy, the boy next door. And yet you fawn over people who would never admit you have feelings for!”

“You mean like you?”

‘Yeah, like me!”

“I don’t like you Tony?”

“Your mouth may say that but your eyes say something pretty different…”

Steve reached out to punch Tony but Tony grabbed his arm and pulled him close. “Try denying this!” With that he kissed him. An audible gasp was heard from pretty much everyone in the room and a girly squeal from Thor. Steve slowly gave into the kiss and pulled on Tony’s hair, tugging him closer. Suddenly they broke apart, both gasping for breath. Then Tony stalked out of the room with Steve hot on his heels.

“Well, I guess Captain Jack strikes again!”

“How the hell is this his doing?”

“We were watching Torchwood earlier! It was one of the good ones, with all the original team!”

“Shut up Clint!”

Everyone in the kitchen rolled their eyes at Clint and Natashas’ playful banter. Clint was pretty obsessed with the turning powers of John Barrowman and so it was a popular conversation topic.

“Well then, that was exciting. What the hell am I supposed to do with the cupcake-robots?”

Pepper was standing with her hands on her hips.

“Just box them up and send them to Agent Hill…”

In Agent Hill’s quarters the next day…

“What a lovely box of cupcakes,” Agent Hill said aloud. “I wonder who sent them to me…”

She picked up the box and set it down on her desk, then she started undoing the ribbons until finally she lifted up the lid.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… etc”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for reading! Please leave a comment!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey guys! I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY! I just haven't been in the mood to write and so I didn't want to upload quite yet... Good news is though, there shall be TWO chapters up tonight (As long as I remember ;) )... YAY! And I only have half a chapter to do before the whole story will be finished!
> 
> So please guys, read and comment!
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way own any of the Avengers, anything to do with Marvel comic rights etc etc. I think you all know the drill by now! I do own the plot line and the writing so please ask for my express permission before recreating any of my work.
> 
> Eva  
> xxx
> 
> PS- My bestest buddy has just made an ask blog... For anyone that doesn't know what that means, it is a blog where you ask questions and they are answered by a specific character. In this case, Tony Stark! So please could everyone go and ask at least one question, you will have to go back to see the answer, but I can assure you it will be hilarious! The address is: (Just remove the spaces!)
> 
> asksassytonybear . tumblr . com

“Why the hell are we at an art gallery? I thought we were supposed to be relaxing, not dying of boredom!”

“Just be quiet Stark.”

The avengers were standing outside an art gallery in the rain. They were all quite tired and grumpy, Bruce had had an ‘episode’ and they always made the team cranky. But Coulson had forced them, well Fury had forced them, well Natasha had forced them to continue and no one had the balls to say no. But Steve was particularly annoyed at Tony and no one knew why, well they knew the basics but not the details.

“What’s up with you two loverboys? Bit like Janto you were, except, more John and Jack… that reunion in the bar… Anyway, what happened?”

“Shut up Clint!”

The rest of the team exchanged glances. It obviously wasn’t going very well…

Natasha smiled, “To answer your previous question Stark, we are at an art gallery because my method or relaxation is painting. So let’s go in, but just a note of warning, if anyone, even thinks of splashing paint onto any article of my clothing, I will personally ensure that they will not be alive to watch the new series of Torchwood. Understood?”

They all nodded meekly.

“Good! I thought that would be your response!”

The avengers shuffled slowly into the art gallery, Tony and Steve trying to keep as far away from each other as possible. Natasha led the way to a back room, where various easels and canvases were set up. Paint had been laid out of pallets and paintbrushes were resting in small cups of water. Natasha walked straight over to one of the easels and sat down. The rest looked at each other before sitting down in other areas of the room. A few people got started right away, and the room was filled with the sounds of paintbrushes, brushing over rough canvas, smoothing down paint and the splashes of water. No one spoke at first and Coulson could feel himself start to relax. He even sat down at an easel himself and was just about to start painting when:

“What are supposed to be painting?” Tony… He was sitting on his stool, twirling a red-paint covered paintbrush around the place, causing little splatters of paint to fall onto the ground, his clothes and the canvas. (Although, it wasn’t intentional for any paint to go onto the canvas.)

“We are supposed to painting whatever we want to paint. You’re the so called genius, why don’t you figure it out?”

It was evident from Steve’s comment that he was still, very much annoyed at Tony.

“Wow! That was so helpful Captain America! What would we do without you?”

Coulson put his head in his hands. ‘For once’, he thought, ‘For once I thought that we were going to actually relax on one of these sessions.’

Luckily, Clint stepped in and saved the day (Or so he says), “Calm down Tony… Just grab something from around the room, put it down in front of you and then paint it. Or paint something from your imagination.”

“Or I could pay someone to be a life model!” Tony smiled self-satisfactorily. 

“Or you could do that…”

Natasha glared at Clint and signalled in their secret language, ‘What the hell did you do that for?’

Clint gulped and then signed back, ‘What do you mean? I stopped them fighting! I thought that was what you wanted!’

‘I did! But I also didn’t want Tony to pay someone to stand naked in front of us because that will ruin his and Steve’s chances of ever working out!’

‘A life model is a naked model?’

‘Focus Clint, but yes… You need to give him something else to paint!’

‘Like what?’

‘Offer to go shirtless, that will put him off the idea!’

‘Hey!’

‘Shut up Clint!’

Their conversation was cut off and Clint removed the indignant expression from his face. “Actually Tony! That is such a great idea! I know what will make it even better though! If I go shirtless as well! Then you will have even more choice of what to paint or draw!”

Tony looked undecided for a minute before shaking his head, “On second thoughts, maybe that life model isn’t such a great idea…”

Coulson sighed in relief. “You know what Tony? Maybe you could paint your latest design, or one of your suits, or anything like that?”

Tony looked at Coulson and nodded, “Maybe…”

That was good enough for Phil, crisis averted! For now… he got back to his easel, he was trying to paint Pepper something but he didn’t know what she would like… Maybe he should draw a flower of some sort? Definitely not a rose, his painting and drawing skills were slightly lacking, maybe a daisy, or something simple… He could always do a butterfly and ah heart… They were pretty easy!

“My painting is done! You can now fawn over it!”

Everyone turned to look at Thor but no one got up.

“I said; my painting is done! It is a masterpiece!” He shook his head. “None of you are interested in ‘Bilgesnipe Emerging From The Water’? It is an original Odinson painting that would fetch for gold in Asgard! It depicts, a troop of Bilgesnipe, emerging from a river at dusk, the weakening sun shining purple on their backs. It is the classic sign of victory!” Thor gazed disbelievingly on. “I do not understand you humans… How are you not interested in this? I am Thor Odinson!”

Coulson put his head in his hands once more. This was going to be one of those ‘I am’ days…

“I am Tony Stark!”

“I am Thor!”

“I am Ironman!”

“I am a God!”

“I am a sex icon!”

It just kept going back and forth.

“I am owner of eight-legged horse!”

“I am owner of a sky scraper!”

“You both need to sort your grammar!”

“Shut up Clint!”

Coulson stood up and made calming gestures with his hands, “Okay everyone, calm down. Enough of your silly rivalry. How about you paint something else, or, you could look at everyone’s paintings and offer help.”

Thor nodded and moved to look over Steve’s shoulder. 

Steve was painting something that vaguely resembled a person. You could make out bright blue eyes, dark hair and not much else.

“Who is it? Those eyes look very much like… OMG! You are painting Tony!!!!!”

The whole room ran over to look at Steve’s canvas. He was blushing beetroot red and was trying to cover it up. 

“So you are! That is lovely Steve, really lovely!”

Tony also looked quite red and so tried to shrug and go back to his own easel. Tasha and Clint both catalogued the reaction in a corner of each of their minds and then smirked slightly, almost in unison. 

“Let’s move on Thor! Bruce’s painting looks interesting!”

Coulson was trying to save Steve from any more embarrassment but it wasn’t really working. Thor did move on though. He wasn’t impressed by Bruce’s Picasso style self-portrait and complained that the shade of green wasn’t quite right. He appreciated that Natasha’s painting was very detailed and looked expertly done, but he said that the image of a torture chamber would only inspire fear, not courage, like his would. He said that Clint’s caricatures were wholly inaccurate and deserved to take a visit to his niece, Hel. Moving onto Coulson’s artwork, he said he liked the colours but the outlines were slightly messy, though he thought Pepper would like it, of course, not as much as she would dearly love ‘Bilgesnipe Emerging From The Water’. Lastly, moving on to Tony’s he said he was bored by it and didn’t see the point in painting a stupid shield. (He didn’t realise whose shield it was though…)

 

As they all were leaving, Thor rushed back into the room, claiming to have left something behind. Coulson wasn’t that worried though. He was quite pleased with how the session had gone. He was disappointed that the art gallery wanted to keep the canvases so that they could whitewash and reuse them but we could always get something else for Pepper. 

Suddenly alarms went off and as the avengers turned around, they saw Thor hurtling towards them with something canvas shaped under a blanket. Three security men were chasing him, all with at least one bruise on their faces. At the team’s incredulous looks he shouted out, “What? I couldn’t leave ‘Bilgesnipe Emerging From The Water’ to the mortals! They would sell it for profit and not give me any credit!”

Coulson sighed. It was just typical. “Okay everyone, let’s get back to the chopper so that we can get back to base.”

Back at base…

“Okay, let’s see what the big deal is about this ‘Bilgesnipe Emerging From The Water’”

The Avengers looked under the blanket and exploded in laughter. 

“What? What is so funny?”

Thor marched up the painting and ripped off the blanket. He stared in disbelief. He had picked up Clint’s painting by accident. “How did this happen? I know that the painting I picked up was from my easel!”

Clint just smirked, “I figured you could bear to leave your, what is it called? ‘Bilgesnipe Emerging From The Water’ behind and so I swapped our paintings.”

“Damn you Clint Barton!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment guys! I just want one!!!!!
> 
> And don't forget the blog! (Remember to remove the spaces!)
> 
> asksassytonybear . tumblr . com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey guys! No, you are not dreaming! This is the second chapter tonight!!!! EXCITING! I don't really have much to say so I will leave you to get on and read!
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way own any of the Avengers, anything to do with Marvel comic rights etc etc. I think you all know the drill by now! I do own the plot line and the writing so please ask for my express permission before recreating any of my work.
> 
> Eva  
> xxx

“I thought we were supposed to be doing what relaxed you… Not what you are forced to do by your PR team.”

The Avengers were standing outside the children’s ward in a small hospital. They all wore disbelieving expressions on their faces as they looked at Tony.

“Hey! I’m not doing this because I have too! You guys all seem to think that I am such a ‘bad guy’ but I’m not! I do actually do things, for other people!”

He seemed to be looking specifically at Steve, who scoffed loudly. “Doing something to prove a point is not the same as doing something because you want to help others!”

The rest of the team all sighed. The past two weeks had just been filled with arguments and they were getting thoroughly annoying. Though, they did try to ignore them, as it was better not to take sides. Just looking in one direction could cause either of the men to bring you into the argument and then you wouldn’t get any rest!

“How about we just go in. And please everyone, I am actually begging you guys, don’t do anything that will or could traumatise small children. I repeat, ANYTHING! I did try to get the Director to stop this, but he seemed to think it was a good idea.”

Everyone nodded and then turned to the door. Tony had to use the intercom to be able to get them in as the doors were locked. The nurses’ station was at the end of a long corridor, which as decorated with lots of cartoon characters, and child-friendly images, such as flowers and animals. Beyond the nurses’ station were two more, long corridors with rooms going off the sides. You could see a visitors’ waiting room and various machines along the way. 

There was a brown-haired nurse at the station who smiled when she saw Tony. “Ah, Mr Stark! It is so great to see you again! The children really do enjoy your visits! And it is just so fantastic that you have brought friends with you! You do know where to go don’t you? I am sorry, but I must just run off and do something, I am sure you will be able to find someone else if you need any help…”

The nurse didn’t wait for answer; she just smiled and then walked off into a side room and closed the door. Tony nodded at her and muttered a thank you underneath his breath, before leading the group, off down the left corridor and then into a big room with large cushions on the floor.  
There were about ten children, all sitting on the floor, who jumped up and rushed to Tony as he entered. He knelt down so that they would be able to reach him easier. The other avengers looked on in amazement as the kids clambered all over Tony and chattered excitedly in his ears. Gradually they calmed down and realised that there were other people in the room. They looked on warily as Tony introduced them all.

“Okay kiddiewinks! I have brought a couple of my friends along today! This is Steve, Natasha, Hawk, Hulk, Thor and Coulson.” He pointed to each of the team in turn but Bruce stepped forward.

“Actually, my name is Bruce…” He scowled at Tony, who in turn just smirked.

“And guys, these are Poppy, Ellen, Ksenia, Tom, John, Gareth, Kosta, Jeremy, Berry and Perry. Berry and Perry are twins.”

The children all smiled shyly. They looked about to be between six and eight, but most of them were on the small side.

“The majority of the kids here are being treated for leukaemia, or other, long term diseases. But the good news is, they all have treatable conditions and doctors don’t think anyone here is terminal.”

“Tony… Maybe we shouldn’t discuss that in front of them…?”

Coulson trailed off awkwardly, out of everyone, he probably looked the most out of place. Although… maybe that was Bruce…

“Oh no… It is absolutely fine, they don’t mind! Do ya?” Tony turned to tickle one of the little girls. “Okay munchkins, it is time to mingle!” With that, Tony grabbed one of the boys and swung him onto his shoulders. “C’mon Jeremy! Let’s go blow stuff up!” 

The little boy giggled and blushed. “Okay Tony!”

Slowly the kids started to move. Most of the girls went over to Natasha and she sat down on the floor with them. Clint joined her, much to her annoyance. “Go find your own kids!”

“I can’t! I mean, only got through that CRB check with falsified records! I am not exactly safe! Besides, I don’t want to scare them with my awesome skills!”

“Fine!”

The girls giggled. Natasha leaned close and whispered conspiratorially, “I think he is just shy!”

The girls giggled some more. “I think he likes you!” One girl with long, light brown hair was blushing furiously as her friends laughed. She had obviously not meant to say it that loud. 

“Poppy!”

“Shut up Ellen! You said it too!”

“Whatever Poppy!”

Clint and Natasha both laughed at the girls’ antics. They had started poking the girl next to them who had long brown hair.

“Whatever you two! I think that Tony likes the tall one with blond hair!”

“Ksenia!”

All three girls were now laughing. Berry and Perry, the other two girls were looking on and trying to keep straight faces. One of the girls rolled her eyes and said loudly, “Why do you always do this? You are being rude!” But none of the girls could stop laughing.

Clint and Tasha looked on in amazement. “You know, that girl was right…”

“About Tony and Steve? Obviously!”

“No… Well yes, but not the point… She was right about me liking you…”

The girls awed and Natasha blushed.

“Clint!”

Elsewhere in the room…

“No mini midgardian! You must smash!”

Thor was trying, unsuccessfully, to teach a boy how to use a hammer. Fortunately, there were only plastic hammers and the boy was more interested in Thor’s hair and cloak. Beside him, Coulson was letting Gareth try on his suit and sunglasses.

“I like the suit on you!” Another boy, John was watching and he smiled shyly at Gareth, “But I don’t think that you should wear the sunglasses. It means that no one can see your eyes…”

Coulson chuckled and offered the sunglasses to John. He tried them on and then grinned. 

“How ya doin’ good lookin’?”

Gareth shook his head. “I don’t think so John… They don’t really suit you…”

John smiled and took them off. “Whatever you say Gar!”

Coulson smiled again. He could just imagine having children with Pepper, then he caught himself: they hadn’t even been on one date yet! As soon as the director’s foolish experiment on whether any activity could calm the Avengers down was over, Pepper had agreed to go out for a meal. Her and Tony had broken up almost a year ago and she and Phil had been skirting around the subject of dating for ages before he had finally gotten up the nerve to ask her out. Tony had actually been the one to push him into doing it. Phil did have a slight suspicion that it was only so Tony would be free to date Steve but he couldn’t really complain… Speaking of Steve… He was standing in the corner smiling slightly but with the hint of tears in his eyes. He was looking across at Tony. When he saw Coulson staring he tried to smile more and made a gesture, as if to say, ‘I’m okay!’.

“Okay… maybe we should try building something smaller?”

The slightly worried voice made Coulson turn around. John and Gareth were chatting away with each other, so he thought it would be okay to leave them for a minute or two. He also knew that Steve would be able to handle himself and whatever he was trying to deal with over Tony.

The worried voice was coming from Bruce who was trying to stop the construction of a gigantic robot. Tony had brought a few of the cupcake robots along and they enthralled Jeremy and Tom. The two boys, along with Tony were trying to convince Bruce, and now Coulson, to allow them to build a massive cupcake-robot. 

The argument was interrupted by the brown-haired nurse coming into the room. “I am really sorry everyone, but visiting hours are now over, so you guys will have to leave, and all you kids will have to go back to your rooms. The medicine cart will be around soon.”

The children made weak sounds of protest, but a lot of them were tired and so they just filed out. They did give everyone a quick hug and made the Avengers promise to come back and visit them soon. The nurse smiled sympathetically at the kids and their downfallen expressions. “Don’t worry! I am sure Mr Stark and his friends will be back very soon!”

Tony nodded and then looked at the rest of them. They all nodded too and from that day onward, there was an agreement that if there was any free time, they would come here.

“Well… That went surprisingly well! No accidents or traumatised children…”

Suddenly there was a scream.

“Maybe I spoke too soon!”

The team all nodded at Coulson while Tony ran back to see what was wrong. He jogged calmly back towards the group with a grin on his face. “Jeremy and Tom had taken two of the cupcake-robots and were scaring the girls with them… Everything’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE COMMENT! I JUST WANT TO GET AT LEAST ONE!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey guys! I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY! I completely forgot! I know that is terrible but i honestly just forgot! But, This is the second to last chapter and the last chapter is being written as we speak!
> 
> So please guys, read and review!
> 
> Disclaimer: I in no way own any of the Avengers, anything to do with Marvel comic rights etc etc. I think you all know the drill by now! I do own the plot line and the writing so please ask for my express permission before recreating any of my work.
> 
> Eva  
> xxx
> 
> PS- My bestest buddy has just made an ask blog... For anyone that doesn't know what that means, it is a blog where you ask questions and they are answered by a specific character. In this case, Tony Stark! So please could everyone go and ask at least one question, you will have to go back to see the answer, but I can assure you it will be hilarious! The address is: (Just remove the spaces!)
> 
> asksassytonybear . tumblr . com

“No!”

“Why the hell not? I have done everything that the rest of them have considered relaxing and now it is their go to do what I consider relaxing!”

Coulson, Tony, Steve, Thor and Bruce were all standing outside the room Clint had requested them to meet in. No one wanted to be the first one to go in, as Natasha and Clint seemed to be having a very heated argument. Tony huffed and pushed open the door, muttering expletives under his breath about the rest of them all being cowards.

“So… What are we doing this week then?”

Clint and Natasha looked up, Natasha glaring strong enough to scare any man.

“Well…”

Natasha scowled even more. “We are NOT!”

“Tasha! Let them decide! Maybe they won’t agree with you, or even if they do… They won’t be as selfish as you obviously are!”

‘I am not being selfish! It is a stupid idea!”

Tony laughed. “Guys… calm down… I can’t be the only genius in the room! Sort out your little problem later and let’s get on with the task.”

“Like you sorted out your problem with Steve?”

“Sex is always an option, yes!”

Steve groaned while Tony just smirked.

“Anyway, my proposition is we all have sex together…”

Complete silence…

“An orgy…”

Silence… And then:

“What?!”

“Are you a complete idiot?!”

“You have got to be kidding me!”

“Seriously Clint? I always knew you were weird but God! Not that weird!”

‘I do not get paid enough for any of this!”

Natasha smirked at Clint. “Told ya so!”

Clint held up his hands, “Fine!”

“Wait!”

Everyone turned around to look at Thor who was standing in the doorway looking thoroughly confused. “What is this… orgy?”

Clint smiled. “It is when lots of people have sex with each other at once. An example would be all of us having sex… What do you think?” He looked hopefully at Thor, if even just one person sided with him, it wouldn’t be so bad…

“I think I agree with the rest of them…”

Clint moved to the corner of the room to sulk, “Fine… What should we do instead then?”

“Film?”

Most of the Avengers nodded, well, everyone except for Clint who sulked in the corner of the room. 

“Any ideas? Not the Lion King, Thor!”

“But Steeeeeevvveeeeee!”

“No!” Pretty much everyone was decided that they didn’t want to watch the Lion King… for the fourth time.

“What about Mamma Mia?”

Everyone turned to look at Steve.

“What?! It is a good film! Colin Firth! Gay! In a wet, white shirt! Dancing with another gay man under a fountain!!!!!!!”

Everyone had shocked expressions on their faces, even Clint.

“What?! I figured you all know I am gay by now! In my time it was illegal to like men! I am going to take advantage of the fact that it is in fact legal now!”

“Okay… Any other suggestions?”

“Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief.”

“Um… No…”

“The King’s Speech?”

Everyone looked at Steve. “What film is that?”

“It is basically about King George VI, and he has a stammer and it is pretty cool!”

“Is Colin Firth in it?”

“… Yes…”

“No.”

Everyone in the room sighed, even Clint. “Then what the hell are we supposed to do? We can’t even pick a good film!”

“I have got it.” Clint smirked in the corner as everyone turned to him in surprise.

“Well… What is it then?”

“Gnomeo and Juliet! And before any of you complain, I get to choose because you are all stupid and are refusing to have an orgy with me.”

“What film is this?”

“It is Romeo and Juliet, but with Gnomes… And Elton John did all the songs… And, it has happy ending!”

“Clint! You can’t spoil the ending!”

“Everyone knows what happens in Romeo and Juliet! I was just trying to make this version seem more attractive.”

“Fine!” Everyone muttered their yeses and nodded their heads. 

Clint rushed over to a cabinet in the side of the room and got out a DVD. He then put it in the player and sat down in front of the TV. Bruce went out to get popcorn (as was his job, assigned by Steve for all movie events, displayed on a sparkly board, also made by Steve, yes the team should have realised he was gay sooner.)

The film started with the opening credits sequence and the fight between the two neighbours. Natasha, Tony and Coulson all sat down reluctantly. 

Natasha leant over to whisper in Coulson’s ear, “Well… at least this is better than an orgy!”

Coulson snorted and nodded. He supposed she was right. And the film wasn’t going to last very long and then it would all be over! He would be able to go on his date with Pepper!

“Shh…” Clint glared at them and then gestured to the TV. “We are watching this now. You can have your conversations later!”

Steve waited for Bruce to come back before sitting down next to Tony and snuggling up to him. No members of the team (Except for Clint) were that convinced that the film was going to be all that great. A lot of eye rolling was exchanged to start with and some rude gestures were made behind Clint’s back. Eventually they settled down and started to properly watch the films. Occasionally shushing Steve, who turned out to be a closet Elton John fan.

One hour, twenty minutes later…

“Oh my God! They can’t be dead… they can’t be… NOOOOOOO!!!! PLEASE DON’T LET THEM BE DEAD!!!!!” Steve was sitting in a heap on the floor, sobbing his eyes out. “Why would they do something like that?”

Suddenly, on screen, the rubble started to move and you could see a hand. Gnomeo emerged from the remains of the castle/pedestal/thing and pulled Juliet up with him. 

“YES!!!!!!”

Steve started dancing around the room. Coulson and Natasha could be seen discretely wiping tears from their eyes. Tony was quietly sobbing along with Bruce and Clint was just sitting in front of the TV, smirking as the rest of the team fell apart. Everyone sang along to the last song and laughed together.

“That was surprisingly nice… Thanks Clint.”

“Yeah, I LOVE that film… I think the only way they could have made it better was if John Barrowman was in it…”

Everyone laughed.  
Coulson had stood up and was stretching. “I guess this means this stupid exercise is all over!”

“But we haven’t done what relaxes you!”

“We don’t need to… Trust me.”

With that, Coulson walked out the room. The avengers looked at each other, and then they all looked at Tony.

“Well?”

“Well what?” Tony looked very confused.

“Is he going out with Pepper next week?”

“Oh… Yeah… I think so… Why?”

Natasha smirked. “Don’t worry… You’ll find out soon enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment guys!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks guys for reading! Please review!!!!


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